Shifty Aristocrats and Puppies' Rebellion
by Hook Prosthesis
Summary: The same dog that Jizabel killed just a month ago has come back from the dead, running rampant through Delilah's mansion, sweeping four Cards in a massive storm of cleverly placed karma. Extremely OOC situations.


Warning: British linguistics stereotypes and extreme OOC situations to follow.

Jizabel sat vigilantly on a chair, staring fixedly at the front door to Delilah's hideout. Nothing could move him…nothing could shake his stare from the spot on the door, that one spot on the door. He was staying perfectly quiet, and even his breathing was silent as the grave as he watched the immobile wooden pane.

Not to say that the people around him were as silent. Anyone who passed looked at him with an odd expression, eyebrows quirked, movements slowed as if the doctor was going to lash out and bite at any given moment. But some knew he was immovable…the way he sat at the edge of his seat, his contracted pupils, his squared shoulders. So the majority of the visitors passed by; all except one.

Cassian frowned and slowly approached Jizabel, hands in his pockets, every once in a while glancing at the door to check if it somehow changed positions to feed his employer's stare. "Um…" He bent slightly and took a place next to the doctor, having the guts to poke him on the shoulder. "Doc? What are you--"

"Sh sh sh!" the doctor interrupted harshly, waving irritably in Cassian's face, furrowing his own brow and scooting farther off of his seat. A few seconds ticked by in silence, when suddenly a small scratching came at the base of the door. The doctor leapt to his feet and dashed to the door, rearing his foot back and bringing it against the wood with a resounding thud.

Cassian nearly jumped from his skin at the sudden motion, but his scare was soon forgotten as he heard a barely audible whimper just outside the door. He was taken aback. "Doctor, what the hell's out there?" he whispered, sounding panicked and nervous like the people in psychological suspense theatres.

Jizabel ducked as the whine sounded and dared a peek out of the peep hole, his movements jerking. "It's come for me, Cassian…!" he whispered desperately, slowly backing away from the door and creeping back to his original seating arrangement. "It came back from hell…!"

Cassian's eyes widened as he stooped, unknowingly creeping behind the doctor with suspense. "W-who's come back, doc…?…"

"That horrid little creature I stitched back together…the DOG!"

"OH MY GOD A DO--" But he didn't hear what he thought he would hear. Cassian frowned and backed away from Jizabel, once again taken aback. "Wait a second… A dog, doc?"

"Shh!!" He ducked lower and resumed his stare at the door. "Yes, the dog! That bloody has been following me around for two weeks now, and I've tried everything! Food, cats, mice, knives, rat poison, extremely fatal injections, yelling, stomping, shooing…but none of it worked! NONE!"

The doctor clearly expected sympathy or something along those lines, but Cassian honestly couldn't keep from bursting out in laughter. "Doc, you're going crazy," he chuckled. "That can't be the same dog, you destroyed the bloody thing weeks ago!" The man laughed some more and walked to the door, still laughing as he reached for the doorknob and turned it noisily.

Jizabel's eyes widened with childish fear. Cassian's did as well. Both men hurriedly got to higher ground (Jizabel on his chair and Cassian on a newly-beloved stepping stool) as the ragged little puppy came scampering in, barking up a storm and racing around with clicking claws. Cassian yelped like he was being murdered. "It's alive, it's alive, oh my GOD we're both gonna DIE!!" he cried helplessly, shrinking against the wall as the puppy put his front paws on the stool's lip.

"Well don't just stand there Cassian, KILL IT!!" the doctor exclaimed, glaring at Cassian with fiery amethyst eyes.

"But doc, it's already bloody DEAD! If you couldn't kill it, what the bloody hell can I do?! Oh bloody hell, we're gonna DIE, this is a sign of the APOCALYPSE!!"

"Calm down, calm down!" Jizabel looked down at the puppy, peering with frightened interest as it anxiously pawed at the leg of the doctor's perch. His muscles relaxed slightly. "Cassian, he still trusts me…!" He slowly bent into a careful crouch and looked down at the dog, smiling slightly. "That's a good boy! Who's a good, although rather dead, boy?"

Both men got a glimmer of hope as the puppy sat into a begging position, seeming to ask for Jizabel's hand, but as the doctor reached down, a horrid snarl filled the air as the puppy lunged forward. Jizabel jumped back, flattening against the wall and staring with horror as the puppy leapt and growled, his loyal, sweet disposition suddenly vanishing.

"Oh my God, oh my God, he hates us, he hates us!!" Cassian sobbed, trembling and flinching as the dog came his direction once more. "What are we gonna DO?!"

Jizabel looked with terror from the snarling puppy to the nearest door, calculating the distance in his head as he carefully planned an escape route. Once he decided on one, he turned back to Cassian. "Alright, I'm going to make a run for it, while you distract it! I'll go get help! Ready?!"

Cassian managed a trembling nod, swallowing.

"Three…" The doctor prepared to leap, his heart beating faster than it had ever beat. "Two…" He took a breath and exhaled. "ONE!"

With the gusto of a charging wildebeest Jizabel bounded for the door, running as soon as he hit the ground. Little did he know that the dog was close on his heels…his little puppy jaws were barking and snarling at his feet all the distance. With a cry of stress and utmost terror the doctor latched onto the door, throwing all of his being into opening it. "I GOT IT, I GOT IT!!"

He fumbled with the doorknob for a second, but soon launched himself inside, quickly whipping around and slamming the door back closed. "I'll be right back, Cassian, I'm going to get Zenopia!!"

"HEY DOC?!" The voice was nervous and scared.

Disraeli's eyes widened as he turned back to the door. "…What is it?!"

"The dog's not in here anymore!!"

His heart skipped a beat as he looked to the black ground, his eyes suddenly meeting another, smaller pair. He gasped.

His yell seemed to echo throughout London as the dog attacked, leaping for the doctor's leg as the latter sped away as fast as humanly possible. He was shrieking the whole way as he barreled through another door, not knowing, not even caring where the hell he was even going. It just so happened that, in the midst of his dash of terror, the doctor had gone so far as to lead the dog straight into Alexis's chamber…straight to Alexis himself.

~ * ~

Jizabel stopped, his eyes wide, his breathing laboured but silent as everything in that room turned to utter hell. Alexis's eyes widened as well as the dog raced about his feet; Ida took a dagger and began "protecting" Alexis with everything she had, and the other people in the room scattered like roaches in a lamp's light, all producing their own brand of yell or scream. It took everything Jizabel had not to burst out laughing, especially when the little creature began jumping up on his father's lap.

The man took action no one who knew him personally would expect. He jumped to his feet and leapt to the side with amazing agility, grabbing Ida by the arm and dragging her to face the dog. "Ida, for the love of God, kill the damn thing!" he exclaimed, his tone fearful and unusually cross. "Jizabel, is this some kind of joke?!"

His son began coughing to hide his laughter, doing so into his hand to almost make it look like he was overcome by fear. "Oh, no sir! Not at all! Cassian accidentally let it in, and--"

"WELL THEN FOR GOD'S SAKE, TAKE IT OUT AGAIN, BOY!!"

"I have it under control, sir!" Ida kept making jumps forward, as if she was going to simply grab the dog and be on her happy way, but it obviously wasn't working, and she was obviously getting frustrated. "If you just give me your gun--"

As if the cosmos enjoyed the idea of irony, right as Ida said the last word of her abruptly-stopped sentence Alexis pulled a gun and began shooting like mad. Jizabel put his hands on his temples as he observed the chaos ensued, not thinking it very funny any more and feeling a bit regretful for his kind disposition towards the puppy in the first place.

BLAM!!

Smoke twisted from the gun's barrel. Alexis grinned as the puppy fell over with a yelp.

"Ah, see? THAT, my dear Jizabel, is how you handle a rogue puppy," Alexis laughed triumphantly, crossing his arms over his broad chest. Jizabel looked at his father with a relieved smile…he was glad that the problem was--

CRUNCH!!

The Cardmaster yelled out in fear and agony, shaking his foot and panicking more than he had in years as the dog sprang to life, leaping and latching onto Alexis's ankle with needle sharp teeth. "LEAVE OFF, YOU BLOODY HOUND!!"

This time, the doctor took action. Leaping forward with 20-roll dexterity he seized the puppy by it's scruff, holding just long enough for his father to speed away. All three people in the room ran like hell, lunging through the next door and slamming it behind them.

~ * ~

Alexis sat heavily on a couch, clutching his foot and crying out worriedly. "I'm going to get RABIES, I swear to GOD, Jizabel!! RABIES!!! Do you know what rabies could do to my REPUTATION?! HOW CAN I LOOK MENACING IF I'M FOAMING AT THE MOUTH?!"

"Calm down, you're not going to get bloody rabies!" Jizabel snapped loudly, not really giving a hell about the horrible punishment he was going to receive once this problem was alleviated. He paced over the carpet, his mind working like meticulous gears as he attempted a plausible plan of action. "Okay, ehm… How can we get around the dog without it knowing we're there…"

Ida leaned against a wall next to the Cardmaster, panting slightly and glaring at the doctor with fierce eyes. "I say we sacrifice YOU to the damn thing and save ourselves! You're the one that got us into this mess, you and your bloody compassion!!"

"Watch your mouth, gypsy! I'll get us out of this, or I'll certainly die trying!" He then looked at the floor, worriedly putting a hand on his chin and furrowing his brow distractedly. "God, I hope it's the first one…"

"How the hell could ANY of us possibly defeat that mutt?!" Alexis hissed, sharing his glare between both subordinates. "It's bloody UNDEAD! I SHOT the damn thing, and it STILL attacked me!"

"Do you think that MAYBE you MISSED that damn thing?!"

"EVERYONE STOP YELLING, FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING DECENT!!!" Jizabel roared, grabbing handfuls of his silver hair and throwing his head back. "We need to stay CALM, GOT IT?!"

Alexis and the gypsy immediately fell silent.

Jizabel quickly took the opportunity to further his speech, using his hands to talk as well as his mouth. "Alright," he began, taking a deep breath. He pointed at the door. "What's behind that door?"

"An bloody insane little bugger, that's what," Alexis snapped in response, his stare hard, but listening and scared all the same.

"And who is here?"

"A gypsy, a Cardmaster, and a fool hardy doctor that's making the gypsy very angry."

"Wrong," Jizabel said in a low tone. He then yanked a chair over and climbed on top of it, standing confidently and looking down at the two others with a raised fist. "Wrong! We are Delilah, God damn it! The most powerful organization in all of London…in all of ENGLAND! Who are we to be stopped by something as insignificant as a puppy?!"

"…That's true," Alexis mused.

"Hell yes, it's true!" The doctor's voice raised. "We are DELILAH, and we'll put that dog in it's grave!!"

"Yes…yes, we will!" Ida stood, smiling victoriously and raising her own fist. Alexis was soon to follow, and soon, all three cohorts were starting their own little rally.

"Enough of being terrorized by that miserable hound! Enough of hiding in fear like roaches! It's our time to STAND!"

"Enough of the canine reign of tyranny!"

"Hear hear!"

"Now what will we do?!" Jizabel cried, throwing his arms above his head in a magnificent gesture of might and power. Now he knew what Alexis felt like every day, and, frankly, he was really enjoying it.

"STOP THE PUPPY!"

"WHAT WILL WE DO?!"

"STOP THE PUPPY!"

"THE HEAVENS-AH, ARE REIGNIN' DOOOOWNN UPON US!!"

"TESTIFIY-AH!"

"YES, TESTIFI-- Wait, what?" Alexis frowned. "When did this conversation go all Hallelujah on us?"

"ENOUGH OF THE PUPPY TYRANNY, HOORAH, HOORAH!"

"Nevermind…"

~ * ~

"Alright, now what's the plan?"

Jizabel pretended to draw a blueprint of the house on the carpet, making it as detailed as possible as if it mattered any at all. He traced the room they came in from, as well as the room Cassian was trapped in and the room they currently inhabited. "This is the room we're in." He pointed a slender finger at a solitary piece of carpet fuzz. "This is where the dog is, but we need to find a way around that room and circle to the entry hall before we go any further."

"Wait," Alexis interrupted, his brow furrowing. "Why are we going to the entry hall? Doesn't that seem unnecessary?"

"Cassian is trapped in there, and I promised I'd get help for him."

"Alright, fine. I'll humour you."

"Thanks." Jizabel looked up at Alexis, his eyes hardening slightly, but then looking back down at his invisible map before his father got any ideas. "So, that being established, I think the best plan of action would be to find an alternate route from here to Cassian."

"You're a genius," Ida hissed at the doctor, then rubbing her hand on the carpet and "drawing" her own map. "Here. I know of another hallway to go through that leads to the entry hall." She traced a finger alongside the room, drawing it straight to the invisible character (lovingly nicknamed "stupid little man"). "See? We go in through a hole in the floor just over there, and--"

Both Alexis and his son spoke up at the exact same time, both shaking their heads and repeating "no" over and over.

"Wait wait wait, hold on. I am not properly dressed to climb into a hole."

"I agree with Jizabel. My suit could get ruined, and heaven knows how many different types of fungi and bacteria are cultivated in there…"

Ida's jaw fell agape. "Oh my God, you two are grown men! Get a hold of yourselves and have some responsibility, for heaven's sake!!" She stood from the floor and strode to the corner of the room, kneeling and ferreting under a tile. It moved aside with a grate, revealing a small, dark hole that immediately filled the room with a dead, stale stench.

Father and son stared at it with disbelief.

Jizabel stood and slowly approached the hole, almost seeming to sniff at it like a curious dog. With taut muscles he leaned over, peering into the hole, raising his eyebrows in an innocent expression. "Ehm… Yes, I'm sure of it. You're insane."

"You tell her, Jizabel!"

Ida rolled her eyes, seizing the doctor by the shoulder and pushing him forward. He obviously wasn't prepared for such a thing, for he cried out like he was being murdered in his sleep. Alexis stared with horror as he suddenly disappeared, and he swallowed as Ida looked to him. "Don't make me push you too, Cardmaster."

~ * ~

"I can't believe I'm actually down here," Alexis grumbled, his voice not unlike a bear who had been prematurely awoken from his hibernation. He didn't bother casting a glance at his surroundings…he knew what it was without looking. Stale, musty, cobwebbed walls dripping water from hell knows where, collecting grotesquely at his feet as he sludged through winter's unforgiving mud in the dark recesses of his own house's catacombs. "Just for a moronic mutt with a revenge complex. This is ridiculous."

Ida sighed, rolling her eyes and brushing a particularly large, thick cobweb away from her face with the back of her hand. "You know, complaining really isn't going to do anything."

Jizabel followed in back, jumping every other second either from the feel of a draft or the pressure of a spider on his shoulder. He appeared quite pathetic, actually, twitching and shuddering like the city boy he was. Of course, it didn't help that the whole reason he was even down here in the first place was because an undead puppy almost smote him. "Are we almost there, Ida? If I bat one more spider, the next to come will be a legion."

"You two are such spoiled brats."

"We're not brats, we're aristocrats. There is a definite difference." Alexis exchanged a high five with his son. Ida just rolled her eyes once again and continued walking through the sludge.

"…It wouldn't be so bad if not for the spiders. It's the spiders that really get me, you know?"

"I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU TWO DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP I WILL PERSONALLY SEE TO IT THAT THE GODFORSAKEN DOG CHEWS YOUR EYES OUT."

Both men fell silent so quickly that it almost hurt, but the silence was not fully utilized. For, just as they silenced themselves, a sound was heard echoing down the tunnel:

AWOOOOOO!!

Jizabel stiffened, not daring to look behind. He spoke in a barely-audible whisper, his eyes wide with fear. "…It's in the tunnel."

…

In a matter of seconds the three cards were dashing madly through the lair, going as fast as humanly possible, all shrieking bloody murder and sobbing uncontrollably as they heard the howling getting louder and louder. They all had a turn in the lead, and they eternally fought for it as they ran and ran.

"IDA WHERE THE HELL IS THE BLOODY EXIT?!" Jizabel cried with panic, panting slightly and speeding as fast as he'd ever gone.

"I think it's close, just keep running!"

"You THINK?! Now's not the time for THINKING!!"

"JUST RUN!!" Iba looked ahead, prepared to run into a wall, but she smiled with relief--just a short distant away was a tiny shred of light, growing larger and larger with every step. When she told this to the doctor, it was perfectly timed with a yelp from the back of the pack. Alexis was once again having dog issues--apparently It kept weaving in between his feet like a cat as he ran, causing him to stumble over himself many times. "GET THIS BLOODY DOG AWAY FROM MY FEET!"

"GET THE BLOODY DOG AWAY FROM YOUR OWN DAMN FEET!"

"WE'RE ALMOST THERE!!!"

Ida sped up and jumped into the end of the tunnel, seeming to flatten into it but then making it apparent that she had leapt through the canvas of a painting. Jizabel took a breath and jumped into it as well…Alexis had some minor difficulties, but he eventually made it through too.

Once they were all safely outside the tunnel the gypsy threw herself against the split canvas, using whatever strength she possessed to hold the separate pieces together. It was obviously considerably difficult…Ida's hands and arms were shaking with effort. "Cardmaster, take this!"

The man obeyed and took over, having a lot less trouble with it, but still shaking out of pure fear. He cast a look over his shoulder at the gypsy, who was looking around the room with a quizzical expression. Seeing this caused him to look around for the first time as well. They were in a really small room--a small, dark room with little to no decoration, no windows, and just one plain door. "…I don't think I've even seen this room."

There was a metallic clacking as the doctor attempted to open the door, very ready for it to slam open at his efforts, but it wouldn't budge. "Damn, the door is locked!" Jizabel stopped at the door and began looking all around it, as if some sort of secret trap door was going to suddenly show itself like in the detective movies. "Ida, how the hell do you get out of here?!"

"I'm working on it!" she snapped.

Meanwhile, Alexis was beginning to get extremely nervous. His eyes widened. "Uh… The dog isn't there anymore, guys."

"You LOST it?"

"I didn't LOSE it, it just got disinterested!"

"And went where?!"

Alexis cautiously opened the painting canvas, peering inside with stiff movements, but he then turned away and frowned. "He's nowhere to be found… I wonder if…"

Jizabel frowned and began to say something, but then the ground beneath their feet rumbled as a muffled scream was heard floating through the air. It came from behind the locked door. "…It got Cassian."

"NOOOOOOOoowait, what?" Alexis growled, looking at his son with a creased brow. "I don't care about the help! We should just be happy that the bloody thing isn't attacking US!"

"Cassian is a member of Delilah too! It's cowardice to leave someone behind…I'm going after it!"

Ida and Alexis looked at each other, then both at the doctor with a bored expression. "Have fun then," they chimed in a monotone.

Jizabel sighed, rolling his eyes and taking a defensive stance facing the door, taking a deep breath, holding it, then exhaling. "Right then…" he muttered, closing his eyes and three…two…ONE! The doctor struck out strongly with his foot, aiming straight for the door. He already felt like a hero--like one of those awesome cops, about to catch a horrible criminal, and began thinking up his victory speech as his foot hit.

Things didn't go how he had originally planned. His foot collided with the door in a resounding thunk but he immediately withdrew, stumbling and not allowing his foot to rest on the ground. "WHAT THE BLOODY--" He swore under his breath in a long string, leaping back like a tiger from flame. "MMMFFFAAH!!"

Ida scoffed worriedly, obviously trying to laugh off her fear for the future…they were trapped in a windowless, doorless room, someone was dying just outside, and now there was going to be the whining of the doctor on top of it all. "You actually thought that would work," she laughed, raising her eyebrows. "That was pathetic."

"Silence yourself, gypsy!"

Alexis was looking progressively worried throughout the situation, now beginning to chew on the end of his index finger. "Oh God…we're going to get out of here and Cassian's going to be all mutilated and oh, bloody hell…"

"He's not going to die!" Jizabel snapped, limping away from the door and approaching the entrance of the underground shaft. "…I have to go back."

~*~

The doctor crept out of the hole, looking around cautiously and slowly pulling himself to the wooden floor. His movements were painfully creaking as he tiptoed across the room, all-too-prepared to hear the sudden growling of the puppy at any moment.

He eventually made it through the room and through Alexis' throne room, now finding himself peeking through a crack in the door to the main hall. He immediately saw Cassian; the man was still on that stool, cringing as hard as ever, and the puppy was at his feet on the floor, snarling as hard as ever. His jaw became rigid.

~*~

Cassian yelped as the dog made another jump, his heart jolting as he missed once more. He couldn't take much more of this torture--the dog would have to make it at least one time, and when he did it was all over. Each leap got closer and closer…he began praying hurriedly…but suddenly…

WHEEEEWW WHEE!!

"Come at me, you bloody mutt!" the doctor cried, jumping from the room and bracing himself for the dog's attack.

The latter whipped to him, snarling up a storm, his fur bristling and his hackles raising. Cassian looked at his employer with wide eyes, staring at the battle-ready man with a worried expression. "Doc?! What the hell do you think you're doi--"

"Not now Cassian, I'm trying to save you!"

There was a loud, snapping bark as the dog rushed, jumping at the doctor with stitched, jagged jaws, but soon got what was coming to him. Jizabel had seized a flower vase from a decorative table and swung it with all his power, smashing it into the dog's head like a golf ball with an animalistic roar. Cassian stared with horror and relief as the puppy dropped to the floor.

But the doctor obviously wasn't completely satisfied. He dropped to his knees and beat the dead horse, if you will, each time bringing the vase down with another roar. "DIE!! GOD DAMN IT, DIE!!"

Cassian jumped down from his stool and walked to the doctor, putting a comforting hand on the man's shoulder. "It's not your fault, doc."

"IT WON'T DIE, IT…WON'T…"

"Doc. Doc. It's not your fault."

Jizabel sniffed, dropping the vase and creasing his brow and panting. "I don't even care!! I don't--!"

"It's not your fault."

He sniffed a few more times. Then Jizabel curled up in a tight ball, pounding dramatically on the ground with his fist as if he were in a soap opera and sobbing (once again, very dramatically). As he did so, Alexis and Ida came out, the first limping, the second almost laughing upon seeing Jizabel so pathetic. His father walked to him, putting his hand on his shoulder as well.

"You did the right thing, Jizabel," he reassured with a sigh, looking at the limp sack of dog before him. "If you didn't, we'd all be horribly, brutally murdered."

"Oh, you killed it. How sad."

All four peoples' attentions snapped to the front door as two men sauntered in, both wearing high-end coats, silk top hats and the like. All four peoples' jaws unhinged. It was none other than Cain Hargreaves, of course being followed by Riff.

Cain leaned against the doorway, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth and his eyes flashing with mischief. "I was hoping it would last a little longer than that. After all, that dog was pretty expensive."

Jizabel's eye twitched, remaining on the ground and just staring at his brother with an ultimately shocked expression. "C-Cain…?!"

The aristocrat strode calmly forward and picked up the dog's limp form, looking down at it in his hands with a slightly disappointed look on his handsome features. "I suppose you're wondering how this dog came back to life. Well, it wasn't easy… After all, where else can you buy a dog like this in London?"

"B-b…BUY?!" stuttered Alexis, his own jaw hanging ajar.

"Yes, buy. I had to go all the way to Reading to get this dog… Of course, the paint wasn't cheap either."

"PAINT?!"

"Let me get this straight," Cassian muttered, staring up at Cain with such malice that a dagger could leap from his eye at any moment. "You bought some mutt from a shop, painted it to look like the one the doc killed, trained it to attack us, and set it loose in the Delilah mansion."

"…To be blunt, that is correct."

Cassian stood. Jizabel soon followed, then Alexis and Ida. All four had a look of pure spite.

Cain and Riff looked at them worriedly as they all took a step forward. He dropped the dog, putting his hands up in a defensive stance and taking a step back. "Er…no hard feelings, right? I mean…it was pretty funny…right?"

"You…bastard…" Alexis snarled, taking a whip from a pocket in his coat (because he's creepy like that). He snapped it at Cain's feet.

"H-hey now…!"

Jizabel ripped a scalpel from within his own coat, slashing it at Cain's chest.

"Um, my lord? We really need to…"

Ida and Cassian drew daggers, holding them menacingly.

"…You're right." Cain turned tail and began speeding away, followed milliseconds by his servant as the Delilah legion gave chase, all striking out with their respected weapons as the group barreled out of the mansion and tore down the crowded streets of London.


End file.
